Ironies
by TRF
Summary: Inuyasha never liked Jakotsu. Jakotsu always loved Inuyasha. That's the way it always was, and, Inuyasha was sure, always would be. But sometimes things happen, things that are truly ironic. AU JakInu
1. Inuyasha: Trouble

Disclaimer: I have no ownership in Inuyasha whatsoever. Don't sue! All I've got are my sick fantasies, and about fifteen dollars! :o

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I always knew Jakotsu Ushitora was going to be trouble. Always. From the very minute I met the kid, I knew it could only go downhill from there. As if moving to a new town, a new neighborhood, and a new school wasn't bad enough at the tender age of six, I had to start dealing with _him _too. Freaky, stupid, perverted…freak that he is.

Jakotsu was actually the very first thing I saw when I got out of the family van. He was sitting right next door, rolling a bright pink ball up against the side of his house over and over. I stifled a laugh, because obviously the only reason he was doing it was because he had no friends to play a _real_ game with. Of course, I didn't have any friends either, but that was beside the point.

My mom is a very charitable woman. TOO charitable, in my opinion. She saw Jakotsu too, and do you know what she did? What she had the nerve, the gall, the spite to do? She told me to _go over and play with him_ while she, dad, and my older brother, Sesshoumaru, unpacked. I knew he was going to be trouble, so I refused. Unfortunately, she wouldn't have no for an answer, and I was to go over and play with "that cute little boy" right now.

She's charitable, but I don't think she has much sense. Jakotsu couldn't exude the aura of 'Stay away from me. I'm a freak.' harder if he had it on a sign taped to his back in humungous letters. It's just that noticeable.

I approached apprehensively, standing right behind him, hardly breathing. Maybe, I'd thought, if I stood still and quiet enough, he'd never detect me.

Wrong.

Almost immediately, he turned around, and upon giving me a very critical once-over (especially considering we were six), his face split into a giant grin that almost sent me running. Trouble. "Hi! What's your name?" he asked enthusiastically.

Innocent enough question. "Inuyasha," I answered quickly. He stared at me, and it took a minute for me to realize that he was waiting for me to ask him for his name. Ha! Well, he'd have been waiting an awfully long time. I had no intention of ever finding out anything about him; the less I knew, the better.

"I'm Jakotsu," he said amicably, after he saw that I wasn't going to ask him. "Wanna play?"

No, I did NOT want to play. But over by the car, my mom made a nodding gesture. I decided that I was tough enough to put up with this scary kid for a while. "Ok," I muttered, not even trying to sound happy about it.

This did not deter Jakotsu. Something I have learned in all the years I've known him is that it is absolutely useless to ever, ever try to deter him. He's like cockroach – you can stomp on him as much as you want, but he'll keep coming back. "Great! Sit over there – no, not that far over. Just come a little this way, and sit like this. There."

I couldn't help but notice, even in my six-year-old naïveté, that my current position was a little awkward. All my good clothes were packed away, and I was wearing a pair of shorts that were too short for me, but not too small. I was aware that if he squinted the right way, he could get an eyeful more than I ever wanted him to. I hoped my family finished unpacking quick. This was going to be about as much fun as getting dropped into a pit of piranhas.

So we sat there for the next hour, rolling a ball back and forth. Jakotsu talked a lot. A LOT. Within the first fifteen minutes, I'd found out that he had a sixteen-year-old brother named Musou, a nine-year-old sister named Kagura, a one-year-old sister named Kanna, and his stay-at-home mom was expecting again. His father, Naraku, ran the primate area of the local zoo. He was six too, and his best friend was named Bankotsu. He had five other friends whose names all ended with '-kotsu', but I couldn't keep the rest of their names straight.

"What about your family, Inuyasha?" he asked finally, apparently only just getting tired of telling me about himself. I noticed how slowly he seemed to say my name, like it gave him a thrill beyond any other to roll it across his tongue. And let's take another minute to remember that I was six here. Six-year-olds are pretty oblivious, unless something is blindingly obvious. This was _beyond _blindingly obvious.

"Uh…my mom…she works at home. My dad owns a big company. My older _half_-brother, Sesshoumaru, is ten, and I hate him." There. That should've worked. Should've pleased him – I answered the dumb question, you know.

"Oh. Why did you guys move? Why is Sesshoumaru your half-brother? What are your parents' names? What kinds of things do you do for fun? How come you have puppy ears on your head? Where are you going to school this fall, Inuyasha?" he just spit the questions out one after another. I had one for him: What if I don't want you to know, because I think you're the most annoying thing on the planet?

Instead, I considered what my mom would do on the off chance that saying that made him cry. It wouldn't have been pretty or nice. Somehow, _explaining_ how Jakotsu just annoyed me was that much harder than feeling it. "We moved because my dad's company moved its headquarters here. Sesshoumaru's mom was my dad's first wife, but she died. My mom is named Izayoi and my dad is named Inutaishou. I…" I wondered how to make my life seem as boring as possible. "I…read. I read a lot. And sit in my room playing one-player video games. I don't know why I've got the ears. And I don't know where I'm going to school either."

"What kind of books do you like to read? My friend Renkotsu reads lots too," said Jakotsu conversationally.

I didn't care about his friend, and actually, I'd picked up about five books in my life. Picture books.

---

I was thankful to whatever deity (or deities) there is when I was finally able to go home that day. Never again would I put up with Jakotsu, this I promised myself. No matter what sort of threats my parents placed upon me, no matter if it was the difference between life and death, I was never going to have anything do with him and his strangeness. Once was enough.

I guess he didn't get the memo, though. It was eleven-thirty at night, and I was sleeping in my new room, when I heard something rapping on the window. At first I just ignored it, and tried to get back to sleep, muttering a few words my parents would've been shocked that I knew. Eventually, however, it kept getting louder and louder, until it was impossible to ignore.

Slowly getting out of bed and stumbling to the window with the intent to yell at whatever was out there, a thought crossed my mind. What if it was a demon? Or a murderer? _'Stupid,' _I thought, and began to lift the window.

It was worse than a demon or a murderer. It was Jakotsu.

"W – what are YOU doing here?!" I yelped, a little taken aback.

Smiling, he responded calmly, "I was thinking about it, and I decided that I want you to be my boyfriend." It wasn't a question. I could only stare, horrorstricken, until I regained my senses.

"No thanks," I snapped, shutting the window on him.

I was really stupid back then, I think. For one shining, glimmering night, I'd held the hope that maybe that had been the last of Jakotsu.

I haven't been more wrong about anything in my life before or since.

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	2. Jakotsu: My Prince

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi I am not.

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When I was little, I used to think about true love all the time. Wonder how you'd know it was true, wonder if it would ever happen to me, wonder _who _it would happen to me with, and so on and so forth. The fairytales said true love happened to everyone, no matter who or what you were, and for the longest time I believed that. One day, my prince would arrive – or maybe I'd be someone else's prince.

Yeah, that's right, I'm a guy who likes other guys. Gay. Homosexual. To quote a few of my less-than-kind classmates, faggot, assfucker, dick licker, joy-boy (which is not true, by the way). I think I know every last offensive name for guys like me by now.

But anyway, my belief in fairytales started wavering around the middle of kindergarten. The fact that I had no attraction at all to girls, and lots, and lots of attraction to boys had made itself very clear very early. At age five, though, I had no idea that other people might think it was wrong. I went after other boys in my innocent kindergartner way, and I was very confused to see how put off they were by it. 'Jakotsu germs' was the most popular game on the playground between all the other boys in my class that year. It consisted of one of them poking me, or waiting for me to brush past, then turning to the nearest boy, rubbing his hands off on him, and saying, "Jakotsu germs, no return!". The one who'd been 'infected' would turn to the next nearest boy, saying and doing the same thing, and he'd turn to the one nearest to him, and…well, I think you've got the gist by now. The girls were in on it soon, too.

In November, I met the afternoon kindergarten class. I was in the morning class, as you can probably guess. That day, all of us were putting on some sort of kindergarten Thanksgiving thing at ten, so the afternoon kids had to come to our class. I wasn't expecting to make one friend that day, much less six.

But there was Bankotsu. Soon followed by Suikotsu, Renkotsu, Ginkotsu, Mukotsu, and Kyoukotsu. Bankotsu saw the boys in my class playing the 'Jakotsu germs' game, and amazingly, instead of joining in, he walked over and started talking to me. The two of us became fast friends, and I got along with the other five really well too. After that, I almost lived for the other days when the afternoon class had to join us, or us them. Of course, my mom arranged play dates too – she looked almost comically relieved when she found out I finally had some friends.

But I didn't consider any of them more than that. I love them…and in retrospect, I guess it's 'true love', but not in the way that makes me want to yank them aside and kiss them passionately for hours and hours. Not in the way that makes me wish this place let homosexuals get married.

That was reserved for someone else.

I met him about two weeks before the start of first grade. It was nice outside that day, so I thought I'd go do something out there. Stuff that involved running and sweating, like kicking a soccer ball around, got old quickly. I didn't want to go inside yet, though, so I got out a pink bouncy ball and started rolling it up to the side of the house.

That's when I met the boy who stole my heart.

I'd seen the moving vans arrive a little earlier, but I didn't pay them much mind. Not until I became conscious of someone standing stiff as a statue right behind me. He looked almost…flustered. Did he like me, maybe? Scanning his entire body, I came to the conclusion that this was the cutest person in the whole world. His ears especially. I still love those ears. In an odd way, they remind me of the dog we used to have, before Musou started learning to drive and poor Flopsy became a pile of dog guts in the middle of the driveway, that is.

I asked him what his name was, and he answered very promptly. The name Inuyasha has been on my mind ever since, and I don't think it'll ever leave. I stared at him a while longer, just taking in that cute face. Finally, I realized he must've thought I was being really rude, so I said, "My name's Jakotsu. Wanna play?"

He stalled, made an 'ummmgh…' noise, and glanced over at a lady I assumed was his mom. He was shy! How cute! Finally, he sat down and said, "Ok." I think he was trying to keep the excitement out of his voice, but went a little overboard, and instead sounded like I was condemning him to death.

Once I'd made sure he was in the right position to play, I started talking non-stop. It was like some whirlwind was inside my voice box, and it kept blowing words out. Before I knew it, I'd told him just about everything there was to know about my family and friends. Musou – my sixteen-year-old brother, who's driving is so bad that it's a miracle none of us have had heart attacks yet, and who's always off at parties, and has been really depressed because his girlfriend, Kikyo, broke up with him. Kagura – my nine-year-old sister, who seemed to be in an almost perpetual state of moping and temper tantrums these days, whining about how we were all 'ruining her life' in one way or another. Kanna – my one-year-old sister, who seemed to have an odd fondness for a little old mirror we kept around. Then, onto my parents, and my friends, and so on.

I decided to ask him a little about himself, because he was looking kind of awkward. I hadn't bored him, had I? "What about your family, Inuyasha?" I asked, saying his name slowly and carefully. I like his name almost as much as I like his ears. Inuyasha, Inuyasha, Inuyasha!

Looking almost alarmed – shyness again, I think – he muttered out a few quick sentences about them. Deciding to keep up the conversation before he clammed up again, I asked him as many questions as I could think of, eagerly awaiting each answer. Unfortunately, his answers were about as close to monosyllabic as could be. I shrugged it off. I'd break him out of that shell soon. He said that he read. It certainly seemed to fit in with the quietness he'd displayed. I asked him what sort of books he read, and said Renkotsu liked to read too – maybe he'd like that if he hung around me, he'd get to talk to someone else who read a lot too.

Appearing faintly startled, he said something so softly that it was unintelligible, then pointed at his house. "Gotta go home?" I asked. He nodded and took off.

---

I thought about Inuyasha lots that night. He was nice. And whenever I summoned his face to my mind, I felt a certain fluttering in my stomach, a fluttering I'd experienced before. I was in love. L-O-V-E. I've taught myself to say love in all kinds of different languages, but I still like 'l-o-v-e' the best.

Maybe I'd tell him about it. It seemed like a good idea. Besides, I didn't want to turn into one of those people who hid their love – running about all hurry-scurry and blushy, acting like it would be the end of the world if the person they cared about ever actually found out how they felt. What's the point, I've often wondered, about feeling something so wonderful, about saying you'd do anything for the person you feel it for, if you're too much of a chicken to even tell them? And how would you stop your heart from bursting with the weight of it?

So I did the only thing I thought was logical. I waited until my entire family was asleep, and quietly slipped out of bed. Pulling on my favorite lavender shirt (stolen from Kagura, not that she missed it, or anyone else cared), and a pair of shorts, I tiptoed out of the house. It seemed like my every step caused the floor to creak so loudly, I half expected my parents to hear and dash out of bed to stop me and send me back to bed. I almost wanted to do it myself, too, because I didn't enjoy being grounded. But this was a mission! A mission of love! I couldn't stop now!

To my relief, I made it outside with little effort. I felt cool, like one of those secret agents. As a mental image of myself wearing a dark suit and sunglasses came to mind, I brought a hand up to my mouth to stop a giggle – I was near Musou's window, which was open, and I didn't want to risk him hearing. I sprinted for Inuyasha's house.

That was when I realized that I didn't know which room was his. There was a light on in one of the back rooms, so I scurried over to check whose it was. Peering up, I found myself eye-to-eye with a boy who was definitely older than Inuyasha and I. He was attractive, but unlike Inuyasha, who was attractive because he was cute, this boy was handsome. He'd look it especially once he grew up. I could tell. This must Sesshoumaru, I supposed. I tried to duck down, but he'd already seen me.

Opening the window, he said, "Who are you?" his voice was surprisingly void of emotion, and rather deep.

"Uh…Jakotsu," I murmured. I felt like I should've been flinching under his haughty gaze – I didn't, though.

"What do you want?" he asked, looking slightly bored.

Could I tell him? And what would he say? "Mmmm…"

"Well?"

"Inuyasha."

"What?"

"Eh – where's Inuyasha's window?" I felt really stupid asking this. I'd only known him three minutes, but Sesshoumaru had already succeeded in making me feel about two inches high.

For a second, I thought I saw a faint glimpse of amusement flash across his face. Then he replied, "My little _half_-brother's room is that one." He leaned out the window and pointed at the window two over from his.

"…Thanks," I said, smiling genially. Sesshoumaru stared at me a little longer, his expression unreadable, before he shut the window and went back to doing whatever he'd been doing before.

I walked over to Inuyasha window, took a deep breath, and started tapping on it. No answer. I just kept on tapping, and gradually began knocking. I hadn't come this far to be stopped here.

I heard the steps of someone coming to the window. Grinning excitedly, I watched as the window slid open, and a very tired, aggravated-looking Inuyasha peered out. Once he saw me, though, his eyes widened, and he looked much more awake. "W – what are YOU doing here?!"

I toned down my grin, afraid it might've looked slightly scary. I knew what I was going to say already. "I was thinking about it, and I decided that I want you to be my boyfriend."

He looked at me in a very odd way, and then snapped, "No thanks," and shut the window.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel the rip and tear at my heart as I had when others had rejected me. I just slid down, sitting at the base of his house, and stared straight ahead of me for who knows how long. It could've been two minutes or two hours. Finally, I pushed myself up. _'So…what now?' _I thought, still feeling almost disturbingly detached. The answer came simply, actually. _'I'll keep on pursuing him. Inuyasha – one day, you're going to be mine.'_

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	3. Inuyasha: JB

Disclaimer: I highly doubt I'm good enough to own Inuyasha. ;;

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Elementary school in our new town was the worst thing ever. I knew it was going to be that way from the onset. How, you ask? Well, _he _was the first thing I saw when I walked into that classroom. And unfortunately for me, I was the first thing he saw too.

"Inuuuuuuuyaaaaaaaashaaaaaaaa!" he squealed in that annoyingly feminine voice of his, waving madly from the spot on the floor where he sat constructing a building out of blocks with a short boy who had a braid almost as long as himself. When he saw that I wasn't going to respond to this, he rushed up and enveloped me into an overenthusiastic hug. No one will ever know what an embarrassment that is, was, and always will be.

Once my valiant attempt to break free succeeded, I found myself faced with the short, braided kid. He gave a smirk that made shivers want to start running down my spine, and said, "So, you're Jakotsu's boyfriend."

"Am not!" I sputtered, shaking my head and backing away a little. The whole class was looking. This was the last thing I needed to be branded with for the year.

He closed the distance, grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, and whispered in my ear, "If I hear that you did _anything _to hurt him, you're going to be one sorry dog turd." He loosened his grasp, allowing me to place myself back on the ground, and walked over to Jakotsu, hands behind his head, as though nothing had happened.

No, I'm not kidding - this happened in first grade. Jakotsu and his lot sweep the competition when it comes to weirdness.

"Aaaaaw, Bankotsu, don't be so mean to him," laughed Jakotsu, who had apparently seen the whole thing.

Feeling my blood boil, and not wanting to a part of this _at all_, I stormed off to find my desk.

---

As I should've expected, though, that first morning and the many other displays that soon followed burned some invisible mark on me. Kids sang such memorable tunes as 'Inuyasha and Jakotsu, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…' whenever they got the opportunity, and by mid second grade I wasn't Inuyasha anymore, at least not to them. Almost everyone referred to me as 'J.B.'. The trick with 'J.B.' is that it sounds like an innocent enough nickname to adults, but there wasn't anything innocent about it.

It stood for 'Jakotsu's Boyfriend'. For my entire elementary school career, and sometimes still today, I am called 'Jakotsu's Boyfriend'. It's really, really _stupid _to get called someone's boyfriend for years on end when you haven't done so much as hold their hand (voluntarily). I'm close to heaving the heaviest, deadliest object I can find at the next person who calls me 'J.B.'.

It seemed like every month, every year from first through sixth there was a new rumor about us – ooh, Hiten caught us kissing in a dark classroom with the doors locked. Oh no, that's wrong – what's really true is, we were stripping for each other in the boy's bathroom during recess and Kouga walked in on us. No, no, all lies! It's obvious that the fact is, he was giving me a blowjob in a supply closet outside the library and were found out when the teacher sent Manten and Gatenmaru to get some watercolors from it!

I don't know where they got any of them, especially the last one, from, and I don't want to. Ever.

Even Jakotsu's little brother, Hakudoushi, contributed to all that crap. I still remember him brightly announcing to everyone on the playground one day in sixth grade (though he was in the afternoon kindergarten class at the time) that I went over to his house all the time, and Jakotsu and I touched each other, then went into his room and locked the door.

Hakudoushi has always been a messed up a kid. Extremely, scarily, incurably messed up. Maybe it has to do with Jakotsu's mom dying right after she gave birth, maybe it has to do with being Jakotsu's younger brother, maybe he'd have been like that even if his parents had been prim and proper aristocrats living a in huge mansion in England. I don't know.

There's also the possibility that Musou paid him to say shit like that. Musou is sadistic in that way. I think the day he left for college was the happiest in my life. He just bugs me. Always smiling smugly at me, always laughing, always being…stupid Musou.

I think the only time I didn't see him laughing or smiling was his mom's funeral.

That particular week made me feel like my life had turned upside down.

---

I remember Mrs. Ushitora telling my mom idly one day as they chatted outside that the doctors had said she might have complications delivering. She'd just laughed right afterward, though, and patted her bulging belly, saying she was sure she was going to be fine, though. Amazing technology these days, she said. There wasn't anything some doctor somewhere couldn't take care of.

She was wrong, though.

On the night of October 30th, I was busy preparing my Halloween costume for tomorrow night. Little did I know that thanks to a few certain people, I wouldn't even get to go out. My mom had devised that I was going to a giant dog that year, and I agreed because she told me I could paint the spots on the costume.

It amazes me what simple joys I had back in those days.

So there I was, busily squirting some black paint on, when the doorbell rang. At first, something told me not to open it, but I dismissed it; after all, I'd made up some excuse not to go Trick-or-Treating with Jakotsu and his friends yesterday, so it couldn't have been him.

When I opened the door, I saw a serious-faced man in a white lab coat, with Jakotsu and his older sister Kagura in front of him. He had a hand clapped on each of their shoulders. Kagura looked more shaken than I could ever remember seeing her, and Jakotsu's eyes were wide and overflowing with tears that he wouldn't let fall down. Something was wrong, that much was obvious

"…Hi…" I murmured, not knowing exactly what to do.

"Are your parents at home, son?" asked the man, his voice somehow even more serious than his face.

I didn't have to answer, because my mom came walking through the door at that moment. "Who is it, Inu – oh! Come in!"

Kagura stepped in unsteadily, clenching and unclenching her fists over and over. The doctor came next. Jakotsu just stood there, frozen in what looked like shock, horror, and disbelief, like he'd just seen Hell or something (not that I think Hell could faze him more than this did). I don't know why I did, but I snaked out an arm and pulled him inside by the sleeve of his pink-and-grey shirt.

Sesshoumaru walked in through the door, looking deadpan and boring, as usual. Kagura gave a sharp intake of breath and made a jerking motion. It looked like she'd wanted to run up to him or something, but suddenly decided against it.

The doctor and mom exchanged a significant look, and mom turned to me. "Inuyasha, why don't you take Jakotsu to your room? Sesshoumaru, you take Kagura to yours." Sesshoumaru shrugged indifferently, and motioned for Kagura to follow him.

I threw a frantic looked toward Jakotsu, expecting to see his face suddenly overjoyed at the opportunity of getting to be alone with me in my room, but he was still staring straight ahead with that godawful look that made me _worry _and feel _sorry _for him, of all things.

"C'mon, you," I muttered. He didn't make a movement, so I walked over to give him a shove. My hand brushed past his, and before I could react, he had a bone-breaking grip on it. Sighing, I used this to get him into my room.

Once we got in, I tried to wriggle my hand lose, but found no success. I groaned and tramped over to the bed, sitting down. He followed docilely. This was creepy. "What happened to you?" I blurted out.

"Dead," he said lowly, looking down at the floor.

"I don't speak one-word sentences," I snapped, feeling slightly triumphant as I used the phrase that my father said on me when I was younger, threw a fit, and refused to give anything but sulky, one-word answers to his questions about what had happened.

Jakotsu shut his eyes, and made a quiet whimpering noise. I felt the urge to hit something. Finally, though, he sniffled a little and said in a voice that I could barely hear, "Mommy's dead. Kagura said when people are dead, they don't come back, ever. Not even the doctor or daddy or anyone else can help them."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't really understand 'dead' very well at the time either. "Not ever?"

"N – no…" Then, without further warning, he broke his grip on my hand for an equally strong one around my whole upper body, and began sobbing. "I don't _want_ her to be gone forever! Why can't she come back?!"

_'This was really, really weird,' _was all I could think at the time. In spite of every protest going on in my mind, my body returned the embrace. He cried for a long time there, and I think when I realized that it would just be too mean to tell him to get off, I just let my mind take a brief leave from my body. I don't have any memories of how much time passed, just that it had been a little over an hour when my mom came in and said I needed to get to sleep. Glancing down, I saw that at some point, Jakotsu had fallen asleep on my shoulder.

---

I feel rotten thinking about that funeral, let me tell you. I didn't want to be there (mom had already made me miss Trick-or-Treating because she wanted me to stay at home with Jakotsu, who was hardly in the mood for it), and I made it completely apparent as soon as we stepped through the door. Pouting, sighing loudly during the eulogy, squirming in my seat.

Jakotsu sat a few rows ahead, next to Bankotsu. The rest of his friends were there too. During on particularly noticeable sigh, Bankotsu turned around and gave a me look that I think would've put me in a casket too, if looks could kill. I felt guilty then, but ignored it so I could stick my tongue out at him. My father didn't fail to notice this; it was _his _look that kept me from doing anything else.

The damage had been done, though. Jakotsu looked slightly hurt every time he saw me for the next few weeks, Bankotsu kept sliding a finger across his throat when I made any motion to come forward and apologize, the rest of Jakotsu's friends gave me looks of disgust, and even the other kids in class who'd been there seemed to agree that it was nasty thing to do. I was excluded from anything and everything for a good while.

But once that while was over, Jakotsu wasted no time in trying to compensate for the weeks he'd left me well enough alone.

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	4. Jakotsu: Death

Disclaimer: Own Inuyasha? Not I, good sir :O

**Chapter Four**

The first day of first grade, I remember being kind of anxious. I was _really, really _hoping Inuyasha would be coming to my school. Renkotsu was being sort of snotty and said he wouldn't be surprised if Inuyasha was my 'newest imaginary friend' (Okay, so sue a kid for having had several in the past and trying to convince people they were actually real!). I just _had _to prove him wrong. Besides, it seemed like Inuyasha was too shy to come over to my house and play with me, and I thought maybe I'd get him to feel less like that if we saw a lot of each other in other places.

Oooh, Bankotsu's looking over my shoulder while I'm typing this, and he just said the last sentence 'seems pervy'. Does it? Well it shouldn't; I was in first grade then! I didn't think those things!

Now he said 'yeah right'. Bleeeeh, get back to your own computer, Bankotsu!

Okay, now where was I before I got _interrupted _like that? Good thing this isn't a paper for school. I'd get points docked off for what our English teacher calls my 'nasty habit of trailing off into irrelevant discourses'. I didn't actually know what that meant until I looked up the last two words the other day.

Whoops, there I go on another one! Anyway…

Just about ten minutes before class was about to start and Renkotsu was about to start giving me a snide look, who walked into the classroom? INUYASHA! He was looking even more anxious than I had just been. When he saw me, I thought it looked like he suddenly went pale, but I think it was my mind playing tricks on me.

"Inuyasha!" I shouted, waving as exuberantly (looked that word up the other day too) as I could.

He seemed really frightened now; all the other kids were looking at him. I'd say that old phrase 'looking like a deer in headlights' applied here. I thought of how uncomfortable he must've been, so I got up to go bring him over to the building blocks me and my friends were playing with.

Somehow I ended up hugging him instead. Weird little impulse, I guess. He was being sort of squirmy, but my arms just didn't want to let go. Bankotsu walked over to us just as he took a deep breath and slipped out from under my arms.

"So, you're Jakotsu's boyfriend," he said. I glanced over at Renkotsu, who was looking stunned, and stuck out my tongue. Inuyasha said something, but I didn't quite catch it. I was too busy silently gloating.

Then I turned around and noticed Bankotsu take Inuyasha by his shirt and mutter, "If I hear that you did _anything _to hurt him, you're going to be sorry, dog turd." Or something like that.

I shouldn't have been amused, but I was. It was sort of like a scene out of one of those sappy romances Kagura sits in her room and watches. "Aaaaaw, Bankotsu, don't be so mean to him," I said, trying to mask the fact that I was laughing.

I guess Inuyasha wasn't so amused, though, because the second Bankotsu dropped him, he stomped off.

"He seems like a wimp to me," Bankotsu said, snorting, as we went to find our seats.

Ignoring him, I sat very purposefully next to Renkotsu and grinned at him as long as I could. Eventually, he shoved my head to the front of the room himself.

Ok, so maybe I was a little too smug.

* * *

My 'relationship' with Inuyasha, as it were, didn't do much changing until October 30th – day before Halloween.

It was sometime in the earlier evening, and I was in Musou's room, playing one of his video games. Actually, more like _trying _to play one of his video games; a lot of them were really hard, especially if you were a first grader. I did that whenever he was out, probably not because I really liked video games, but more because before he left, he always cornered me and said, a really freaky grin on his face, "Jakotsu, if I find out you were in my room when I was gone, I. Will. Fucking. Murder. You.". When people tell me things like that, I guess I can't really help but do whatever it is they're telling me not to. It seems like a challenge to me, and I like those.

I'd just beaten my record and passed level seven – I can't remember the game, I just remember how happy I was to beat that level. As I settled down to start level eight, I heard Kagura shriek. Must've been an earsplitting shriek too, because I had the volume turned up as loud as I could get it. For a second I was worried, but then I shrugged it off. Kagura was always shrieking about _something_. Some rich guy on a soap opera she was watching probably broke off an arranged marriage and eloped with his maid's pet chimpanzee (Dad tried that a year ago, but he couldn't find anyone that would validate a union between man and beast. Sometimes I think he spends too much time at work). I started the level.

Five minutes later and five levels to beat again before I got back to eight, I became aware of pounding on the door. I wondered why whoever it was didn't just come in; then I remembered that I liked to keep it locked in case Musou came home early and I needed time to escape out the window. Turning the volume down, I waited for whoever it was to speak.

"Jakotsu, I know you're in there! Open it, open it, we need Musou's cell phone!" It was Kagura. I rolled my eyes.

"Who needs it?" I asked casually, lounging on my brother's bed.

"Well, _mom_, you idiot! She's having the baby, and things don't look good! LET ME IN!" She sounded almost hysterical now. I got up and opened it quickly. Kagura raced in and started looking for Musou's phone, muttering obscenities.

"Why don't you just use the phone in the kitchen?" I asked, bewildered.

She didn't even take the time to glance up at me. "Because dad's a damn idiot and he hasn't paid the bill for it yet," she spat. "Or maybe it's from Musou throwing it across the floor after that argument with Kikyou. Either way, it won't work. Where does he keep his cell!"

I shrugged, glancing out and trying to catch a glimpse of mom. "I don't know. Maybe he took it with him."

"I heard him say it needed charging earlier, so he was leaving it here…should be done by now…" Then she turned to me sharply, and looked like she'd really only just noticed I was there. "And why the hell are you just standing here with your mouth open? Are you a guppy or something? Either help me look for Musou's phone, or go try to help mom." The harsh way she said it sort of stung. I bit my lip and didn't move. "Well?" she snapped.

"I just…what can I actually _do_?" I asked, feeling useless.

"Well," Kagura began, scrounging in a pile in the corner of the room, "to be honest, hell if I know. You're pretty much worthless, anyone ever told you that?" I wasn't sure whether that was a question I was actually supposed to answer or not, but I shook my head anyway. She went on, "Just…go see mom, maybe she can give you something to do that's not too hard."

Trying as hard as I could to pretend that what she'd said didn't hurt, I nodded and went to the living room where I figured mom was. I was right – she was lying on the couch and breathing heavily. Every now and then, she let out a cry. Sweat was running in streaks down her face. I wanted to fall limp on the floor – this was terrifying…I'd never seen my mom like this, and I'd never thought I would.

Softly, I said, "Mom?"

She began to open her eyes, looking like it was the most difficult thing she'd ever done. "J – Jakotsu…?" she asked.

"Yeah," I murmured. "What can I…can I do anything?"

"Did Kagura…call the hospital…yet?" she inquired. Every word seemed to be costing strength. I winced.

"She's still looking for Musou's phone," I said. A strange, resigned look came over mom's face. My alarm rose. "What should I _do_!"

She shook her head a little. "I don't think…there's…anything."

Kagura's words echoed in my head. _'You're pretty much worthless, anyone ever told you that?' _

_'I guess I really am,' _I thought. Before I knew it, I was crying. I _hated _myself. And as far as I could tell, everyone else did too. Kagura, Musou, dad, most everyone at school…and maybe even Inuyasha. They'd all hinted I was no good, but before now I'd purposefully never picked up on it. Now I couldn't run anymore – it was true, and I knew it.

"Please…don't cry." Mom's voice brought me whamming back into the reality of everything. "You're…only a little boy…Jakotsu. It's…not…your fault." Her eyes closed again.

I knew I shouldn't, but I started hating her then too. How could she lie like that? She knew I was useless just like everyone else did, but she was trying to lie about it! Boy, when she got better, I'd…

Kagura walked in, her face ashen and cell phone in hand. "I just called, they should be over – " She stopped abruptly and looked at mom. "Oh God, Jakotsu, is she _breathing_!"

"I - I don't know," I choked out, stunned. My whole body started shaking. Things were getting even worse, though I didn't know how that could have been possible at the time.

"You fucking moron!" she screamed, storming over and slapping me.

"Don't touch me!" I shouted back, punching her. The expression on her face turned from shock (I'd never defended myself against anyone before), to anger, to disgust.

"Never mind, we don't have time for tha – OH MY GOD!" Kagura had gone even paler. "I guess she is still alive…"

"Why? What!" I said in a startled tone. Kagura took me by the shoulder, moved me over on the end of the couch where mom's feet were and pointed near bits of a woman I'd never wanted to see, toward something…moving.

"That's called a _head_," she said, sounding like she was barely repressing the panic in her voice.

"Eeeeew," I muttered, staring despite my huge urge to turn away.

At that moment, we both saw lights in the driveway out of the corners of our eyes. Kagura ran over and opened the door. Three or so men sprinted up. Two went straight over to mom, and the other one ushered Kagura and me into the kitchen.

"Hey!" said Kagura indignantly. "I'm old enough, I want to see mom!"

The doctor gave her a look that was undoubtedly patronizing. "No, dear, I'm sorry. It's time for the grown-ups to take care of your mom now. You can see her later, okay?"

Boldly, Kagura smacked him as best she could. "_No_, it's not okay. Who do you think has been helping her before now, even with _that_," she pointed at me; I glared, "running around and freaking out?"

"I wasn't – " I started, but then a loud, shrill cry from the living room interrupted me.

"'Scuse, for just a second," said the doctor. He went into the living room, was gone for about two minutes, then came back and laughed rather too loudly to be completely believable. "Congratulations! You kids have a new baby brother!"

Kagura wrinkled up her nose and surveyed me distastefully. "Oh God, not another one." I stuck out my tongue. She ignored me and asked, looking fearful, "But what about mom?"

"So!" said the doctor hastily. "Do you guys gave any neighbors who could take you in?"

Kagura took a deep breath, shuddering, and fell into one of the chairs by the table. "She's dead, isn't she?"

"Next door appears to have the lights on," muttered the doctor.

"Inuyasha!" I cried.

The doctor smiled. "Ah, so you have a friend – "

"_I said_, she's DEAD isn't she? Don't ignore me, you bastard!" shouted Kagura, balling her fists.

Instantly, the smile turned to a frown. "Where'd you learn that language, kid? You can't be older than ten."

"Well great, thanks for proving that for me," she whispered venomously. I thought I saw a tear.

I looked between them, not sure what was going on. Dead…I'd heard that word before, but I'd never been able to figure out what it meant. "What's 'dead' mean, Kagura?"

Eyes full of loathing, she scowled at me and snapped, "Dead means never coming back, gone forever, getting buried ten feet under and laughing from whatever's beyond this life – if anything – while everyone gets weepy over your body! Okay, Jakotsu, _do you understand that_!" I got the impression that the doctor's presence might have been the only thing keeping her from slapping me again.

It felt like my heart was dying or something, because there was terrible pain coming from somewhere in my body…everything hurt worse than I could remember it ever hurting before. "Never? But…but why not?"

"They just can't, all right?" growled Kagura, her voice almost breaking.

"So…I'll never see mommy again? _Never_?" I repeated.

"No! What part of what I said is so damn hard to understand! I didn't think you were THAT stupid!"

"Now, now," said the doctor. He said something else too, and we started moving. I couldn't really hear any of it, though. My body may have been there, but my mind was somewhere far away.

Vaguely, I recall finding myself at Inuyasha's doorstep. He answered the door; for some reason, I remember there was a spot of black paint on his nose. Any other time, I would've just _died _over how cute it looked, but at that moment it was simply some paint on some kid.

His mom came up and talked to the doctor. Inuyasha's brother appeared, and Kagura went with him. All of a sudden, I realized I was actually inside, but didn't remember moving from the doorstep. A hand – Inuyasha's hand, though I wouldn't realize that for a few days – grabbed mine and I grabbed it back as hard as I could. Then I was moving again, and when I stopped I dimly registered that I was in Inuyasha's room. Once again, any other time I would've been _past _elated that he'd brought me into his room, but right then, it meant nothing. Nothing really meant anything.

"What happened to you?" Inuyasha's blunt voice broke through the shield that was around me.

There were so many things I wanted to say. But when I opened my mouth, only one word came out. "Dead."

Looking exasperated, Inuyasha replied, "I don't speak in one word sentences." Then he looked kind of pleased with himself.

I closed my eyes. He must hate me, I guessed, but who can blame him? Then I realized he still must be expecting an answer, so I said – more like 'squeaked', actually, when I think about it, "Mommy's dead. Kagura said when people are dead, they don't come back, ever. Not even the doctor or daddy or anyone else can help them."

"Not ever?" he asked, suddenly appearing taken aback.

"N – no…" I tried to be strong. I did. But I couldn't just stand there quietly anymore. I felt like bursting, and I had to let it out. I grabbed Inuyasha in a tight hug and just…cried for a long time. I might've said some things too, but I don't really remember. I don't remember falling asleep on him either, but he says I did.

Geez, that could've been one of the best nights in my young life – holding hands, hugging…damn. Figures that the only way it came about was through tragedy and that I can't remember half of it to boot.

* * *

I try not to think about mom's funeral. It hurt enough already, just because, well, _my mom was **dead**_. Things were made worse, though, by the fact that Musou and dad just wouldn't stop fighting with each other. Dad seemed to be of the opinion that we were all at fault, but Musou the most. Just half an hour before the funeral was about to start, dad cornered Musou outside the church and started in on it again.

"I told you not to go out that night, didn't I? And, being the complete idiot that you are, you – "

"Oh shut up! If you were so concerned, you should've just stayed home your – "

"You forget, I was not home because I had a _job_. On the other hand, you were not home because you decided it would be fun to go get drunk with a bunch of flooz – "

"Lord, this is just _rich_." That said, Musou started to walk away, but dad grabbed his throat and shoved him up against the wall. Kagura and I, who'd been watching from around the corner, glanced at each other briefly and ran off. It was too hard to watch anymore.

Bankotsu and my other friends were waiting inside, and I took a seat with them in the church. Not long after, Inuyasha and his family came in. And…well, obviously, Inuyasha wasn't exactly happy to be there. No one failed to notice that either.

Bankotsu is watching again, 'cause he noticed I typed his name (He's noooooooooosy. How do you like _that_, eh?). He just said, "Let's be frank, Jakotsu, he was a complete brat that day."

Well…okay. He was. And I couldn't stand seeing him for a few weeks afterward because of it.

But, hey, I'm the forgiving sort. Especially when it comes to such a little _cutie_.


End file.
